Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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