when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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