you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i've created a new STD.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
