R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
