We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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