This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
