What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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