I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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