4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
as a side note pls kill me
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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