You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I cannot find my penis.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
