wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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