i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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