he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
