he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
