I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
