I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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