I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
