i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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