ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
