she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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