her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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