wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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