Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
