too bad you live with your parents still
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
