thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
