Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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