come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
