How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
