did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
