there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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