i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
