What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
