why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
