It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
