Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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