i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
