last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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