Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
