i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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