He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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