worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
