You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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