The maid of honor just puked.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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