i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
