We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
