I forgot how hot balto sounded
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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