i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
