States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
