Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
