explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
