bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
