Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
