all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
